The Beginning

I guess the beginning of our journey really starts back in 2002. I went to my normal eye exam and the optometrist found a spot in the back of my eye. He didn't know what it was so he sent me to a specialist in Spokane, who then sent me on to a specialist in Seattle. During that time, we thought the spot was cancer, and we were praying so hard that God would heal me. The eye specialist in Seattle said he didn't know what the spot was, but he didn't think it was cancer. We were all so relieved. I would have to go in for regular check-ups to make sure everything stayed the same, but life moved on.

Fast-forward 11 years. I had gotten married, graduated college, had a beautiful, funny daughter, and was pregnant with our first son. My husband, daughter, and I went out to Washington to visit my parents, and while I was out there I visited the specialist once again. He said he could tell the spot had grown a little, but he still wasn't sure what it was. He wanted me to go to one of the best eye specialists in the world, the Wills Eye Hospital in Philadelphia. But he assured us that we didn't need to rush, but that they would contact us by the end of the summer. I never heard from them, so I called in September to see what was up. They scheduled an appointment for Oct. 7th.

At the appointment, they told us that they did think the spot was cancer. To be specific, choroidal melanoma. They were amazed at how slowly it had been growing, and decided to try a laser surgery after the baby was born. They will give me a light-sensitive dye injection which the cancer cells will absorb. Then they will zap it with a laser and hope they can get rid of it that way.

Our son is due on November 15, and on the 22nd we have the laser appointment scheduled. After the baby is born, they will check to see if the cancer has spread. The doctor's have assured us that it is a very low-grade melanoma and that the risk of it spreading is low. But the scary part is, if it does spread, they give no hope for long-term survival. It will usually spread to the liver or lungs, and then there is nothing they can do.

Obviously this time is tough for us. We are anticipating the birth of our son, but there is so much going on right now. In the next few months it seems we will find out what path God has planned for us to walk. And it is scary to think of what might happen.

So, we are living each day, thankful for what God has given and what He is doing in our lives. He is teaching us to trust Him, even when we don't understand what is going on, and even when it seems like what He is doing isn't good. We are learning to enjoy each day we do have and not let thoughts and uncertainties about the future ruin the right-now.

It would be easier to just pretend that all of this didn't happen. We're still normal, and life goes on. I feel fine. But our hope is that God can use what we are going through to encourage and challenge others.

We are learning that God has offered grace for today, and for what has happened. He doesn't offer grace for what might happen, and when we dwell on what might happen that is when we worry.

We are learning to Take the Grace God has offered for each and every day and that is why this blog is entitled Taking Grace. It is the Shaulis family journey through life, taking the grace God gives us each day.