A few weeks ago I wasn't really in the Christmas mood. I didn't want to think too far ahead because I didn't know if it was going to be my last Christmas and I just couldn't muster up much Christmas spirit. I didn't want to think about the unknown future.
Fast forward laser treatment, more than a week of migraines, a MRI, x-ray, blood work, waiting for results....and I got all good news so far.
But I still couldn't seem to get in the Christmas mood. No matter how many Pandora Christmas stations I listened to or how many Christmas events I attended. Nothing seemed to work. This bothered me a little because Christmas is a big deal in my family. As a pianist, I grew up playing/listening to music right after labor day. But I just didn't feel like listening to it.
We traveled to Nathan's house to spend Christmas with his family. I still didn't really feel very Christmasy.....and the fact that the cat sprayed all the presents I had so carefully wrapped didn't really help any. :)
But today I am in the Christmas mood. Maybe not the traditional one, but I think it is how we all should be on Christmas....
Thankful.
Thankful that, even though Jesus wasn't born in the bleak midwinter, He did come to earth to save us from our sins and make a relationship with Him possible.
Thankful for a husband who loves the Lord.
Thankful for the two children God has blessed us with.
Thankful for supportive family.
Thankful for a loving church family.
Thankful for the body of Christ.
Thankful for each day God gives me on this earth.
On Thanksgiving my head hurt so bad that I couldn't really "celebrate." I just felt like laying in bed (ok...I did do that most of the day).
So I think today is my Thanksgiving.
We didn't give tons of presents but we were all together. The Shaulis family almost lost two members this year: Nathan with the chainsaw accident and Meghan with a car accident. But God spared them. And I got good news that the cancer hasn't spread. That's a lot to be thankful for right there. And that's what I think Christmas is all about.
It's about being thankful for what God has given us.
Family
Life
Jesus
Merry Christmas!
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Thanksgiving
In the two weeks since I last posted so much has happened and we are so grateful.
I went in for my MRI and found that I could easily be claustrophobic if I thought about it. Thankfully, God helped me through the process and I made it through without freaking out. Right in the beginning, when I was really nervous about the MRI, a song came on that made me cry. It was obviously a hug from God. A good reminder for me to trust Him. I couldn't help but to thank Him in the MRI machine for that little way of showing me His care. Here is an excerpt from the song...
Then I had the chest-Xray. That day was very nerve-wracking because the MRI technician told us if there was something wrong we would most likely hear later that day.
That evening was Aletheia's birthday, so we celebrated and tried to just keep our minds off what might happen. She turned two, opened her presents, and had some "happy birthday cakes" (cupcakes).
The next morning Nathan and I headed out for Wills Eye Hospital in Philadelphia. We didn't have to wait long at all and the doctor said procedure went very well. They just zapped the cancer cells for 86 seconds and that was it. We will go back in March to see if the cancer has started dying. Sometimes it takes several laser treatments, and sometimes it responds in one. Sometimes it doesn't work at all. Please pray with us that the cancer will start dying and that the treatment would be a success.
After the appointment, Nathan and I went to The Cheesecake Factory, where we went on our first real date. It was a sweet moment just to be able to talk and know that all the treatment was done and all our appointments were over until March. I think we both felt very emotionally exhausted after the events of the past several weeks.
On Monday I got a call from the oncologist with official word that all my tests looked good. No cancer has spread that he can see. We praise God for this. I know that He didn't have to choose to extend my life. I could have had a body riddled with cancer and only a few months left to live. But He has seen fit to let me stay with my husband and children at least a little longer, and I am SO thankful! That is what we praised God for this Thanksgiving. We can certainly see His goodness and grace through this hard time.
The doctor's hadn't anticipated that I'd have any pain after the laser treatment, but I did have some pretty extreme pain all Thanksgiving week. I couldn't take any meds they'd usually give since I'm breastfeeding, so I took lots of Ibuprofen and Tylenol. On Wednesday before thanksgiving, after talking to the eye specialists, they sent me to a local Optometrist to make sure nothing was really wrong. They found that my eye was really inflamed and that my retina had partially detached. The Wills people said that this was probably be a result of the laser treatment, but should go away. They also said that my extreme pain could be a direct result of the cancer cells dying, so we are hoping that this is a sign the treatment is working!
I tried to just be thankful that the pain meant the cancer was probably dying, but the Friday after thanksgiving was when the pain was the worst. I couldn't sleep the entire night. At about 4 or 5 in the morning Mom was with me as I was feeding Josiah, and she prayed that I would get some sleep and that my pain would go away. Not an hour later the pain started going away and it has been getting better ever since. I don't know if God chose to answer her prayer right then, but I tease Mom that she has the gift of healing. :)
My vision has been affected, but I can still see petty well out of my eye. There are some shadows and just a little pain and weirdness in general. I'm not sure how that will change as things go on, but I'm thankful I can still see out of the eye.
I meant to post on Thanksgiving some of the things we are thankful, but I didn't feel up to posting there for a while. So....I'll do it now.
1. We are thankful that God directly answered prayer in that the cancer didn't spread
2. We are thankful that we have a relationship with God. I'm not sure how people who are not saved go through something like this.
3. We are thankful that the treatment seemed to go well.
4. We are thankful for our church family's fervent prayers for us, and for everyone else who encouraged us and prayed for us. The body of Christ truly has been one of the greatest encouragements of this entire time.
5. We are thankful for my Mom. She has helped me so much through this time. She really has been a servant....showing her love to us by doing laundry and cooking and helping with the kids. I don't know what I would have done without her help. Also a shout out to my little sister, Anna who also has been a big help, and to my Dad for parting with Mom for that long. :)
6. We are thankful for Josiah. A healthy baby boy who has helped brighten up this time.
7. We are thankful for Aletheia who has done so well through all of this transition.
I could go on and on, but these are some of the biggest things we are thankful for.
We would still appreciate prayer for....
1. Physical health for me. I have a few other minor health things going just as a result of having a baby, so please pray that my overall health will improve. Plus, Mom is leaving in a few days so running the house will be all up to me!
2. That the treatment will cure the cancer.
3. That we would continue to trust God.
I went in for my MRI and found that I could easily be claustrophobic if I thought about it. Thankfully, God helped me through the process and I made it through without freaking out. Right in the beginning, when I was really nervous about the MRI, a song came on that made me cry. It was obviously a hug from God. A good reminder for me to trust Him. I couldn't help but to thank Him in the MRI machine for that little way of showing me His care. Here is an excerpt from the song...
Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you
If there's a God who loves you
Where is He now?
Well maybe there are things you can't see,
And all these things are happening,
To bring a better ending.
Someday, somehow you'll see.
Would you dare to believe that you still have a reason to sing?
Cause the pain that you've been feeling can't compare to the joy that's coming.
Once you feel the weight of glory,
All your pain will fade to memory.
Press on and fight the good fight,
Cause the pain that you've been feeling,
Is just the hurt before the healing,
Cause the pain that you've been feeling,
Is just the dark before the morning.
Then I had the chest-Xray. That day was very nerve-wracking because the MRI technician told us if there was something wrong we would most likely hear later that day.
That evening was Aletheia's birthday, so we celebrated and tried to just keep our minds off what might happen. She turned two, opened her presents, and had some "happy birthday cakes" (cupcakes).
The next morning Nathan and I headed out for Wills Eye Hospital in Philadelphia. We didn't have to wait long at all and the doctor said procedure went very well. They just zapped the cancer cells for 86 seconds and that was it. We will go back in March to see if the cancer has started dying. Sometimes it takes several laser treatments, and sometimes it responds in one. Sometimes it doesn't work at all. Please pray with us that the cancer will start dying and that the treatment would be a success.
After the appointment, Nathan and I went to The Cheesecake Factory, where we went on our first real date. It was a sweet moment just to be able to talk and know that all the treatment was done and all our appointments were over until March. I think we both felt very emotionally exhausted after the events of the past several weeks.
On Monday I got a call from the oncologist with official word that all my tests looked good. No cancer has spread that he can see. We praise God for this. I know that He didn't have to choose to extend my life. I could have had a body riddled with cancer and only a few months left to live. But He has seen fit to let me stay with my husband and children at least a little longer, and I am SO thankful! That is what we praised God for this Thanksgiving. We can certainly see His goodness and grace through this hard time.
The doctor's hadn't anticipated that I'd have any pain after the laser treatment, but I did have some pretty extreme pain all Thanksgiving week. I couldn't take any meds they'd usually give since I'm breastfeeding, so I took lots of Ibuprofen and Tylenol. On Wednesday before thanksgiving, after talking to the eye specialists, they sent me to a local Optometrist to make sure nothing was really wrong. They found that my eye was really inflamed and that my retina had partially detached. The Wills people said that this was probably be a result of the laser treatment, but should go away. They also said that my extreme pain could be a direct result of the cancer cells dying, so we are hoping that this is a sign the treatment is working!
I tried to just be thankful that the pain meant the cancer was probably dying, but the Friday after thanksgiving was when the pain was the worst. I couldn't sleep the entire night. At about 4 or 5 in the morning Mom was with me as I was feeding Josiah, and she prayed that I would get some sleep and that my pain would go away. Not an hour later the pain started going away and it has been getting better ever since. I don't know if God chose to answer her prayer right then, but I tease Mom that she has the gift of healing. :)
My vision has been affected, but I can still see petty well out of my eye. There are some shadows and just a little pain and weirdness in general. I'm not sure how that will change as things go on, but I'm thankful I can still see out of the eye.
I meant to post on Thanksgiving some of the things we are thankful, but I didn't feel up to posting there for a while. So....I'll do it now.
1. We are thankful that God directly answered prayer in that the cancer didn't spread
2. We are thankful that we have a relationship with God. I'm not sure how people who are not saved go through something like this.
3. We are thankful that the treatment seemed to go well.
4. We are thankful for our church family's fervent prayers for us, and for everyone else who encouraged us and prayed for us. The body of Christ truly has been one of the greatest encouragements of this entire time.
5. We are thankful for my Mom. She has helped me so much through this time. She really has been a servant....showing her love to us by doing laundry and cooking and helping with the kids. I don't know what I would have done without her help. Also a shout out to my little sister, Anna who also has been a big help, and to my Dad for parting with Mom for that long. :)
6. We are thankful for Josiah. A healthy baby boy who has helped brighten up this time.
7. We are thankful for Aletheia who has done so well through all of this transition.
I could go on and on, but these are some of the biggest things we are thankful for.
We would still appreciate prayer for....
1. Physical health for me. I have a few other minor health things going just as a result of having a baby, so please pray that my overall health will improve. Plus, Mom is leaving in a few days so running the house will be all up to me!
2. That the treatment will cure the cancer.
3. That we would continue to trust God.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Weekend Happenings
This weekend we have two very big events.
Thursday I have cancer screening. I have an MRI, chest X-ray, and bloodwork.
Friday I go to Wills Eye Hospital for my eye laser PDT treatment.
Obviously, our prayer is that the cancer has not spread, and that the laser treatment works the first time. Or that the eye tumor is completely gone! That would be nice. :)
Please join us in prayer for the coming weekend.
We are striving to follow Philippians 4, where it says...
"do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Thursday I have cancer screening. I have an MRI, chest X-ray, and bloodwork.
Friday I go to Wills Eye Hospital for my eye laser PDT treatment.
Obviously, our prayer is that the cancer has not spread, and that the laser treatment works the first time. Or that the eye tumor is completely gone! That would be nice. :)
Please join us in prayer for the coming weekend.
We are striving to follow Philippians 4, where it says...
"do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Josiah
On Monday night at 7:00 Nathan and I went in to the hospital for me to be induced. It soon became obvious that things were already progressing naturally, and we were very thankful for that. They kept me in overnight and gave me several batches of antibiotics during the night. Around six in the morning I started having some pretty decent contractions. They still wanted to give me pitocin so at 7:30 they started giving it to me. Two hours later, and much faster than the midwife had anticipated, Josiah Paul was born at 9:28 on 11/12/13. Nathan was able to deliver him. It was an easy labor, and for the most part, I've had an easy recovery.
Nathan had a little brother named Josiah who died at 16 weeks. We were already thinking we would name our little guy after him when we found out about my eye. Josiah means "Jehovah Heals", so that just solidified in our minds that Josiah was the perfect name for this time in our lives. Nathan's middle name is Paul after his grandpa so we continued that.
We are so thankful for a healthy baby boy. God certainly has given us a blessing in the midst of our trials!
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Plan of Attack
I went to the midwife on Tuesday, hoping that she would be able to naturally speed up the baby's arrival. However, we found out that I have not progressed at all and so she couldn't do the procedure she was going to. Seems like the little guy is very content.
With the upcoming laser surgery I won't be able to nurse for 5 days, so the midwife really thought that in the long run, although neither she nor I really want an induction, it would be the best for baby and for me. She said that chances of him being able to continue nursing long-term after five days of formula would be a lot better if I had at least a week to get my milk supply in. So, with a little trepidation, we went ahead and scheduled the induction.
They wanted to induce Sunday night, but we are going to pick up Mom from the airport that day. So that pushed the date off to Monday night, with pitocin set to start Tuesday morning. This makes Nathan really happy because he really wanted the baby to be born on 11/12/13. It looks like he may get his wish!
I would much rather go into labor naturally before then, and that is what I'm praying. But I guess in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't matter.
Eye procedure is still scheduled for the 22nd. Insurance approved the laser part of the surgery so that is a huge praise! Now we're just really praying that they will cover the injection, but we won't find that out till after the procedure has taken place and they have received the bills. Please pray that would be covered!
I should hear from the oncologist doctor here in town soon about scheduling cancer screenings to make sure it hasn't spread. He confirmed that the bloodwork came out good and said if there was anything too advanced it would have shown up.They are going to try to schedule everything for the 21st, but I won't know for sure until tomorrow.
So now we are just waiting, and trusting God to do great things. He is a great God, and like our dear evangelist friend reminded us, He is still the God of miracles.
With the upcoming laser surgery I won't be able to nurse for 5 days, so the midwife really thought that in the long run, although neither she nor I really want an induction, it would be the best for baby and for me. She said that chances of him being able to continue nursing long-term after five days of formula would be a lot better if I had at least a week to get my milk supply in. So, with a little trepidation, we went ahead and scheduled the induction.
They wanted to induce Sunday night, but we are going to pick up Mom from the airport that day. So that pushed the date off to Monday night, with pitocin set to start Tuesday morning. This makes Nathan really happy because he really wanted the baby to be born on 11/12/13. It looks like he may get his wish!
I would much rather go into labor naturally before then, and that is what I'm praying. But I guess in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't matter.
Eye procedure is still scheduled for the 22nd. Insurance approved the laser part of the surgery so that is a huge praise! Now we're just really praying that they will cover the injection, but we won't find that out till after the procedure has taken place and they have received the bills. Please pray that would be covered!
I should hear from the oncologist doctor here in town soon about scheduling cancer screenings to make sure it hasn't spread. He confirmed that the bloodwork came out good and said if there was anything too advanced it would have shown up.They are going to try to schedule everything for the 21st, but I won't know for sure until tomorrow.
So now we are just waiting, and trusting God to do great things. He is a great God, and like our dear evangelist friend reminded us, He is still the God of miracles.
Friday, November 1, 2013
October Happenings
This October we did so many fun, local, Fall things. Nathan seems to be a pro at thinking up fun things to do on the weekends to keep us busy, and these are a few things that we have been doing lately...
We went to the Apple Harvest Festival near Gettysburg a few weekends ago. We got to have applesauce, apple cider, apple fritters, apple sausage, and about anything else with apples that you could want was there. Lathie even got to do a Johnny Appleseed craft!
Later that evening we carved the pumpkins we got last month. We've been so busy that we just now got around to it. I had never carved a pumpkin before, and this was Aletheia's first time as well, so we chose a simple pattern. She had a hard time not tasting the insides... :)
On the way home, we passed a Farmer's Market that has pet deer. Nathan always passes them on his commute but has never stopped, but this time he did. We had never seen live deer so up-close before.
We went to the Apple Harvest Festival near Gettysburg a few weekends ago. We got to have applesauce, apple cider, apple fritters, apple sausage, and about anything else with apples that you could want was there. Lathie even got to do a Johnny Appleseed craft!
Later that evening we carved the pumpkins we got last month. We've been so busy that we just now got around to it. I had never carved a pumpkin before, and this was Aletheia's first time as well, so we chose a simple pattern. She had a hard time not tasting the insides... :)
Last weekend we went to historic downtown Gettysburg and Nathan showed us all the shops and some of the sights near where he works. One of our stops was at a cupcake shop, where Aletheia got to pick her own Happy Birthday Cakes (what she calls any kind of cake or cupcake).
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Prayer Requests
Over the past few weeks we have heard of so many people who are praying for us. The body of Christ really is a great source of encouragement in trials. Because we know there are so many people praying, and because it can be hard to update each person individually, we will share some of our biggest prayer requests and updates through this blog.
Right now our top ones are.....
1. Please pray that the cancer hasn't spread and won't. We know God can contain it, and that is our greatest wish health-wise right now.
2. Please pray that the laser surgery works. It would be such a simple fix if all they had to do was a 90-second laser surgery operation. While this isn't the most effective form of treatment, the doctor's feel that it is the best, least invasive option. If it doesn't work, we will probably have to have a radioactive plaque inserted in the eye, or take the eye out completely. So the laser surgery working would be a huge blessing.
3. Please pray that insurance covers everything. They will probably cover the procedure, but there is an injection I need that the eye place tells me insurance usually doesn't cover. Please pray that ours will be the exception.
4. Please pray that the baby comes early naturally. The sooner the baby is born, the sooner I can start treatment. I can't go overdue because of the surgery, and since my due date is on a Friday and the hospital doesn't induce over the weekend, I will have to be induced some time in week 39 unless I go into labor naturally before then. That is our prayer.
Thank you all so much for praying. We will keep you updated as we know more. Right now, it's just the waiting game!
Right now our top ones are.....
1. Please pray that the cancer hasn't spread and won't. We know God can contain it, and that is our greatest wish health-wise right now.
2. Please pray that the laser surgery works. It would be such a simple fix if all they had to do was a 90-second laser surgery operation. While this isn't the most effective form of treatment, the doctor's feel that it is the best, least invasive option. If it doesn't work, we will probably have to have a radioactive plaque inserted in the eye, or take the eye out completely. So the laser surgery working would be a huge blessing.
3. Please pray that insurance covers everything. They will probably cover the procedure, but there is an injection I need that the eye place tells me insurance usually doesn't cover. Please pray that ours will be the exception.
4. Please pray that the baby comes early naturally. The sooner the baby is born, the sooner I can start treatment. I can't go overdue because of the surgery, and since my due date is on a Friday and the hospital doesn't induce over the weekend, I will have to be induced some time in week 39 unless I go into labor naturally before then. That is our prayer.
Thank you all so much for praying. We will keep you updated as we know more. Right now, it's just the waiting game!
The Beginning
I guess the beginning of our journey really starts back in 2002. I went to my normal eye exam and the optometrist found a spot in the back of my eye. He didn't know what it was so he sent me to a specialist in Spokane, who then sent me on to a specialist in Seattle. During that time, we thought the spot was cancer, and we were praying so hard that God would heal me. The eye specialist in Seattle said he didn't know what the spot was, but he didn't think it was cancer. We were all so relieved. I would have to go in for regular check-ups to make sure everything stayed the same, but life moved on.
Fast-forward 11 years. I had gotten married, graduated college, had a beautiful, funny daughter, and was pregnant with our first son. My husband, daughter, and I went out to Washington to visit my parents, and while I was out there I visited the specialist once again. He said he could tell the spot had grown a little, but he still wasn't sure what it was. He wanted me to go to one of the best eye specialists in the world, the Wills Eye Hospital in Philadelphia. But he assured us that we didn't need to rush, but that they would contact us by the end of the summer. I never heard from them, so I called in September to see what was up. They scheduled an appointment for Oct. 7th.
At the appointment, they told us that they did think the spot was cancer. To be specific, choroidal melanoma. They were amazed at how slowly it had been growing, and decided to try a laser surgery after the baby was born. They will give me a light-sensitive dye injection which the cancer cells will absorb. Then they will zap it with a laser and hope they can get rid of it that way.
Our son is due on November 15, and on the 22nd we have the laser appointment scheduled. After the baby is born, they will check to see if the cancer has spread. The doctor's have assured us that it is a very low-grade melanoma and that the risk of it spreading is low. But the scary part is, if it does spread, they give no hope for long-term survival. It will usually spread to the liver or lungs, and then there is nothing they can do.
Obviously this time is tough for us. We are anticipating the birth of our son, but there is so much going on right now. In the next few months it seems we will find out what path God has planned for us to walk. And it is scary to think of what might happen.
So, we are living each day, thankful for what God has given and what He is doing in our lives. He is teaching us to trust Him, even when we don't understand what is going on, and even when it seems like what He is doing isn't good. We are learning to enjoy each day we do have and not let thoughts and uncertainties about the future ruin the right-now.
It would be easier to just pretend that all of this didn't happen. We're still normal, and life goes on. I feel fine. But our hope is that God can use what we are going through to encourage and challenge others.
We are learning that God has offered grace for today, and for what has happened. He doesn't offer grace for what might happen, and when we dwell on what might happen that is when we worry.
We are learning to Take the Grace God has offered for each and every day and that is why this blog is entitled Taking Grace. It is the Shaulis family journey through life, taking the grace God gives us each day.
Fast-forward 11 years. I had gotten married, graduated college, had a beautiful, funny daughter, and was pregnant with our first son. My husband, daughter, and I went out to Washington to visit my parents, and while I was out there I visited the specialist once again. He said he could tell the spot had grown a little, but he still wasn't sure what it was. He wanted me to go to one of the best eye specialists in the world, the Wills Eye Hospital in Philadelphia. But he assured us that we didn't need to rush, but that they would contact us by the end of the summer. I never heard from them, so I called in September to see what was up. They scheduled an appointment for Oct. 7th.
At the appointment, they told us that they did think the spot was cancer. To be specific, choroidal melanoma. They were amazed at how slowly it had been growing, and decided to try a laser surgery after the baby was born. They will give me a light-sensitive dye injection which the cancer cells will absorb. Then they will zap it with a laser and hope they can get rid of it that way.
Our son is due on November 15, and on the 22nd we have the laser appointment scheduled. After the baby is born, they will check to see if the cancer has spread. The doctor's have assured us that it is a very low-grade melanoma and that the risk of it spreading is low. But the scary part is, if it does spread, they give no hope for long-term survival. It will usually spread to the liver or lungs, and then there is nothing they can do.
Obviously this time is tough for us. We are anticipating the birth of our son, but there is so much going on right now. In the next few months it seems we will find out what path God has planned for us to walk. And it is scary to think of what might happen.
So, we are living each day, thankful for what God has given and what He is doing in our lives. He is teaching us to trust Him, even when we don't understand what is going on, and even when it seems like what He is doing isn't good. We are learning to enjoy each day we do have and not let thoughts and uncertainties about the future ruin the right-now.
It would be easier to just pretend that all of this didn't happen. We're still normal, and life goes on. I feel fine. But our hope is that God can use what we are going through to encourage and challenge others.
We are learning that God has offered grace for today, and for what has happened. He doesn't offer grace for what might happen, and when we dwell on what might happen that is when we worry.
We are learning to Take the Grace God has offered for each and every day and that is why this blog is entitled Taking Grace. It is the Shaulis family journey through life, taking the grace God gives us each day.
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