Rain

When I was a little girl, I remember lying in bed at night, listening to the rain beat down on our tin roof. The wind would howl, the storm rage, but I was safe inside the upstairs bedroom I shared with my two sisters. My parents were downstairs, my brothers were in the bedroom next to ours, and I was safe. I loved rainy nights.

Now I am 23. I am a Mom to two kids. And I still love lying in bed at night and hearing the rain. My husband is next to me, my precious kiddos are in the room next to ours, and I feel safe.

We just recently moved to Illinois. We were greeted by several days of rain. I mean hard rain and lightening. The kind that keeps you up at night. But I didn't mind. In fact, I liked it!

While I was lying there, I couldn't help but see a parallel between my physical situation, safe in the house with my husband, and my spiritual situation, protected by God.

So often I try to run around and stay dry and untouched from the storms of life in my own strength, slapping up my own make-shift shelter when instead I should be taking shelter in God. Instead of worrying, trying to work out problems, and getting stressed out about all the little things in life, I need to rest in God, and let Him brave the storm that is swirling around me. I need to be still, and listen to the storm rage. I can be safe and content under my Father’s protection.

The storm doesn't change. Life's storms are very real, and sometimes they rage wildly. They can be very scary at times, and they can even threaten our physical life on earth. But they can never threaten our position in Christ!

What changes is me. I’m not trying to doge the raindrops anymore. I’m safe. Protected from the elements of life. I don’t have to weather the storm alone. God is always with me, sheltering me, providing a refuge for me, and promising me a home in heaven when my stormy life on this earth ends.

Psalm 91

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”

For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.
You will not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.

A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
You will only look with your eyes
and see the recompense of the wicked.

Because you have made the LORD your dwelling place—
the Most High, who is my refuge—
no evil shall be allowed to befall you,
no plague come near your tent.

For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways.
On their hands they will bear you up,
lest you strike your foot against a stone.
You will tread on the lion and the adder;
the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot.

Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him;
I will protect him, because he knows my name.
When he calls to me, I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him.
With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”

What Consitutes a Bad Day?

So many times I find myself grumbling, getting stressed out, and maybe even shedding a few tears because I've had a "bad day". What does a bad day look like in my house? Here are some things that have made my day go downhill...

My two year old wakes up with a poopy diaper that leaked onto the crib, then has three potty-training accidents that involve poop in one day. Josiah gets up all night wanting to nurse. The house isn't clean in the morning, and the kitchen is a mess from the night before. Then, maybe I drop my cell phone in water, or find that our computer shorted out. Or maybe for dinner the pork-chops that I set on the table weren't cooked the whole way through so I had to go back and totally reheat them. Except for it's Wednesday night and we don't have any time before Awana to do it. So dinner consists of odds and ends we scavenge from the fridge. Or maybe Josiah pees all over me in my church clothes right before we are supposed to walk out the door.

These have all happened to me. Not all in the same day, but sometimes it's pretty close. I feel sorry for myself. I vent to my husband when he gets home and want him to feel sorry for me because "I've had a bad day." I might even make a post about it on facebook, hoping to get some sympathy from other Moms.

Then I see a Mom at my eye doctor. She is Jewish. She has two kids, both with retinoblastoma. I can't imagine the grief she is going through. I know first hand what it's like to have cancer. But I can't imagine how hard it is to see your baby go through that. To have to hold him down while doctors look at him. He sounds so pitiful even the nurse is crying in the hallway. He's only a few months old. He shouldn't have to deal with that. And your 6 year old daughter has the same thing. As if one child wasn't enough. You want to take the cancer on yourself, but of course you can't. You see them dwindling away before your eyes and are powerless to stop it.

That, my friends, is a bad day.

Or perhaps your husband got off the phone with a family member. One who lost his job. The bills are coming due, and the unemployment check is nonexistent, and somehow they are going to have to survive. He has children depending on him. But he doesn't know what else to do besides keeping on looking for a job.

That is a bad day.

You may have a friend. You know, the Mom of two who was just diagnosed with terminal cancer. Her days are going to be spent writing letters to her kids for all the major events in their life so that, even in a small way, she can be a part of their life after she is gone. Her days are filled with last-ditched efforts to save her life, and special moments with her family, awaiting the inevitable.

That constitutes a bad day.

I have had a lot of "bad things" happen to me lately. I know how hard it is to have a good attitude about really tough things that happen in your life. But please remember that someone out there has it worse.

Let the hard days and the bad news make you more thankful for the good times and the good news., and the average day-to-day problems of life. Rejoice that you are alive to have problems. Rejoice that you have children alive to make messes.

Throughout these past few months, my whole perspective has changed as to what really constitutes a bad day.

Little things like blowouts, owies, burned food, shorted computers, and misbehaved kids are actually blessings.

That Mom of two, who is terminally ill, would gladly trade places with you, even on your worst day, if it meant she would be healthy and able to care for her children.

Moms, be thankful for what you have.

Are you really having a bad day?

Jehovah Heals

When we first got my eye diagnosis, we were pretty shocked. I'd had this thing for over ten years and suddenly we were told that it was cancer. I was 8 months pregnant.

We were already thinking that we'd name our little guy Josiah. When we got the cancer diagnosis, and we realized that Josiah means "Jehovah Heals", it seemed like a precious promise during that hard time. The name just fit perfectly for that time in our life.

I hadn't been to see the eye specialists since a week after Josiah was born. So much has happened since then. Josiah is twice as heavy as he was, he smiles and laughs, and he is teething. So in a way, it seemed like much more than three months had gone by when we walked into the office.

I didn't really expect the tumor to be gone. Every time in the past ten years I've gone in to get it looked at it has always been the same verdict...."it may have grown a little, but not much, and we don't know what it is." So I didn't expect anything to be different. Shame on me.

I got my eyes dilated, and got called into the picture and ultrasound office. The lady who was doing the ultrasound had to look for a while before she found the spot she was looking for. Nathan joked, "It's gone!" Then they sent me back to the waiting room.

Finally, we got called back to meet with the doctor. While we were waiting for them to come tell us what had happened, we heard them talking in the hallway. What we heard made our hearts sink. We heard, "Sarah", "choroidal melanoma", "9.6 mm", "tripled in size".

I thought that was it. I would loose my eye at best, and my life at worst. Both outcomes would be extremely likely for a tumor of that size. Nathan tried to stay positive, but he had heard the same thing.

Our doctor walked in, and I tried to brace myself for the bad news.

"Well, it shrunk." the doctor said. Nathan and I both sat there, not quite believing it. "It went really well." And then he showed us the pictures. English was certainly not his native language, but he was able to communicate to us what had happened. This was the underling, the lower doctor who came to see us before the main one.

After he was gone, Dr. Mashayekhi came it. He reiterated what the other doctor had said, and told us he was extremely pleased with how well and quickly the procedure worked. The fluid surrounding the tumor had drained and was absorbed by the retina. He said all that was left was basically a scar.

Also, the partially detached retina I had that was causing the migraines had been due to the extreme swelling in my eye. The treated area was actually so swollen that it was pushing the retina out, causing it to partially detach. That was also completely healed.

He said he didn't think I needed any more treatment, but that I would need to come back in four months to make sure it didn't start growing again. He said there is always the possibility that they missed a few cells, but he said that this seems to be such a low-grade tumor that he doesn't anticipate that to happen. I also will need to keep up with cancer screenings to make sure that it didn't spread. He said obviously he can't promise anything, but he doesn't want me to worry about it because it seems unlikely due to the low-grade nature of the tumor.

Then we were sent on our way.

Nathan got pictures for proof.

And we were left trying to let everything sink in.

Nothing is certain obviously, but we got good news. Unless this thing starts growing again, or unless it has spread, we are done with this pesky tumor forever!

We are so thankful that we had the best physicians on earth, and the Great Physician on our side.

The temptation is to believe that technology worked, and that is why this tumor shrunk so well. But we know that God is the One in charge, and we are so grateful that He chose to kill this thing!

I do have another cancer screening in a few weeks. Not the full-blown MRI and X-ray one, but the blood-work one.

We'd still appreciate prayer that...
1. The tumor doesn't grow back.
2. The cancer didn't spread.

Thank you for praying with us! Now please join us in praising God!

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen."
                                      --Ephesians 3:20-21

                                                      After                                       Before

                                                    Before                               After

Eye Update

On Friday, Feb. 21, I have an appointment at Wills Eye Hospital that will tell us more about what's going on in my eye. This appointment is to look at the eye, measure the tumor, and see if the cancer is shrinking, gone, or growing. Depending on what they find, they may do another laser treatment again that day.

Here is what we're praying for...

1. We would love to see the cancer gone! That would sure give our doctors a surprise!
2. If it isn't gone, and they have to do treatment, please pray that I don't get the migraines from it. It's rather hard to be feeling rotten when you have two little ones to watch. One an energetic 2 year old and the other a teething baby.
3. That we would respond rightly to whatever they find.

I know that God can deliver me from this trial if He wants to. I'm excited to see what happens. He can do great things! We just want to respond rightly to whatever He sees fit to do.

So please pray with us that God would remove the cancer from my eye. We know that this is ultimately up to Him, and not chance or the doctors.

"...Pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
        --James 5:16

Combating Worry

If you were to ask me right now what the number one thing I've learned through my eye cancer is I would tell you this...

Be Thankful.

When I'm tempted to worry, which I am a lot of the time, I combat it through thankfulness. This is outlined in Philippians 4.

God's will for me is to....
1. Do not be anxious about anything
2. Through prayer and supplication make my requests known to God
3. Give thanks while I do this

And then the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard my heart and mind.

Sometimes I feel very depressed. I get a heavy feeling, not knowing the future. Especially when I start thinking thoughts about my possible early death and my children being raised without a mother, or even worse, a mother who doesn't love them the way I do. I have a very easy time thinking of the worst-case scenarios.

When I find myself feeling this way and thinking of all the things that might go wrong in my life this is what I do.

1. Quote Philippians 4 in my head.
2. Be thankful!

God doesn't promise that He'll do what we want, but He does promise that He will give us peace.

I don't want cancer. In fact, I pleaded with God that the spot on my eye wouldn't be cancerous. But for the most part, I have had peace throughout this time.

I may not be assured another year of life, but none of us are. What I do have right now is two lovely children asleep in their beds. Maybe I won't be able to see Josiah graduate from college or Aletheia get married. I don't know. But I do have right now.

Right now I can go look at their sleeping forms and chubby cheeks and feel awe that they are mine. I can touch my little girl's curly blonde hair, amazed at how much she looks like me. I can see Josiah, such an easy baby compared to Aletheia, curled up in a ball in his new crib. He can already roll over and scooch around in there so I have to check on him to make sure the blankets are all tucked in around him. He is going to be a strong one like his Daddy!

And right now, I have a sleeping husband in our bed. I am thankful that tonight I can go snuggle up next to him and take up his side.

It's the times when I don't feel like being thankful that I have to choose to live out my faith. I have to choose to obey the Bible and be thankful for what I have right now. And be thankful for what I'll have in the future...an eternity with God.

So to all my fellow chronic worriers out there I say, "Don't let all the possible bad things that may happen to you rob you of being thankful for the precious things you have now." God has given us so much to be thankful for, so let's enjoy each moment He has given us.

Let's live life with an attitude of thankfulness.

Health Tip #1 -- Baking Soda

With my cancer diagnosis I did lots of research. First about the cancer, but then Nathan banned me from researching b/c everything was so depressing. A smart move on his part. Sooo.....being the submissive wife that I am, I switched my research to natural ways to improve my health. We don't have loads of extra money right now, so I was mainly looking for affordable ways to improve my overall health. Now that I posses a vast knowledge of all things natural (ok, not so much) I thought I would take some time every once in a while to share my findings.

Baking Soda (Sodium Bicarbonate)

A simple household staple with so many health benefits. Even the Mayo Clinic has sung the benefits of taking some daily.

Now I'm never sure how much stock to put into all the health claims about things being able to cure cancer and improve your overall health, but those health gurus sure do put a lot of stock in this home remedy. They say it is good for many things, including curing cancer. The reasoning is this...

Cancer likes an acidic environment but can't survive in an alkaline environment.
Most of Americans have an acidic body due to what we eat.
If we change our pH level and create an alkaline environment, cancer won't be able to survive.
Baking soda balances your pH level, creating an alkaline environment.
Therefore........ (wait for it).....baking soda cures cancer.

I'm not expecting any miracles at my next appointment, but the health nuts are not the only people who are pro baking soda. Mayo clinic says it's good for your kidneys. People who were on kidney dialyses who took baking soda regularly didn't need dialyses as often. It is also known to be an antacid, etc.

With everyone singing its praises, I decided to give it a go. Here are some ways that I use it.

I take a teaspoon mixed in a glass of cold water two times a day (if I remember). You are supposed to take it on an empty stomach so I do it an hour or so before I eat, and before I go to bed. It doesn't even taste bad....it just has a mild salty taste.

Warning: Consuming this will result in loud burps. So if you are entering a burping contest, this will give you a sure win.

I also noticed that it was (how do I say this) detoxing me. For the first week or so after I started taking this, I did notice some changes that I think was my body cleaning itsself out. But now I don't have any problems taking it.

I also use it for....

Brushing my teeth
Deodorant (when I'm at home)
Washing my hair
Cleaning around the house (don't like all those chemical cleaners)
Laundry booster
Getting the smell out of locations where my potty-training daughter has accidents
Curing world hunger.......ok, it can't do everything.

But, its uses are almost endless! It's pretty impressive how versatile it is.

Well, now that you have heard about some of the many uses, go out and try some of them yourself. And if you find or know of any other good uses, please comment and let me know.

Happy Baking Soda-ing! :)

FYI: you can buy pH testers online just to make sure your pH stays in the desired "safe" zone.

http://www.naturalnews.com/035876_baking_soda_cancer_fungus.html
http://www.truthistreason.net/ph-levels-and-cancer-alkaline-and-acidic-foods
http://www.naturalnews.com/033385_cancer_pH_levels.html
http://www.livestrong.com/article/138491-baking-soda-acid-reflux/
http://www.livestrong.com/article/340134-detox-bath-baking-soda/
http://www.livestrong.com/article/133655-baking-soda-hair-treatment/
http://www.livestrong.com/article/319954-an-alkaline-diet-baking-soda/
http://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/omeprazole-and-sodium-bicarbonate-oral-route/description/DRG-20074550
http://www.webmd.com/kidney-stones/sodium-bicarbonate-baking-soda-for-kidney-stones
http://www.azcentral.com/health/news/articles/2009/07/17/20090717baking-soda-may-be-key-ingredient-for-kidney-patients.html
http://www.naturalnews.com/026799_baking_soda.html

Merry Christmas!

A few weeks ago I wasn't really in the Christmas mood. I didn't want to think too far ahead because I didn't know if it was going to be my last Christmas and I just couldn't muster up much Christmas spirit. I didn't want to think about the unknown future.

Fast forward laser treatment, more than a week of migraines, a MRI, x-ray, blood work, waiting for results....and I got all good news so far.

But I still couldn't seem to get in the Christmas mood. No matter how many Pandora Christmas stations I listened to or how many Christmas events I attended. Nothing seemed to work. This bothered me a little because Christmas is a big deal in my family. As a pianist, I grew up playing/listening to music right after labor day. But I just didn't feel like listening to it.

We traveled to Nathan's house to spend Christmas with his family. I still didn't really feel very Christmasy.....and the fact that the cat sprayed all the presents I had so carefully wrapped didn't really help any. :)

But today I am in the Christmas mood. Maybe not the traditional one, but I think it is how we all should be on Christmas....

Thankful.

Thankful that, even though Jesus wasn't born in the bleak midwinter, He did come to earth to save us from our sins and make a relationship with Him possible.

Thankful for a husband who loves the Lord.

Thankful for the two children God has blessed us with.

Thankful for supportive family.

Thankful for a loving church family.

Thankful for the body of Christ.

Thankful for each day God gives me on this earth.

On Thanksgiving my head hurt so bad that I couldn't really "celebrate." I just felt like laying in bed (ok...I did do that most of the day).

So I think today is my Thanksgiving.

We didn't give tons of presents but we were all together. The Shaulis family almost lost two members this year: Nathan with the chainsaw accident and Meghan with a car accident. But God spared them. And I got good news that the cancer hasn't spread. That's a lot to be thankful for right there. And that's what I think Christmas is all about.

It's about being thankful for what God has given us.

Family
Life
Jesus

Merry Christmas!